Outlaw

So where shall I start ok Saturday with the swim practice…. Only 500m easy right… erm no it was a bun fight… arms legs fists everywhere, couple of attempts at people trying to drown me…. I survived it but that was exactly all it was, came out of the swim in 10 minutes ish… felt like crap and seriously doubted if I would be able to do the full swim… saw coach talked about what was the swim like, weeds were they an issue (yes they bloody well were it was like in Harry Potter with the mermaids trying to pull you under, horrible and slightly frightening)… so he left me feeling crap about myself (I haven’t worked hard enough for him to gain any sort of approval)….

Stuck to the feeding plan (although cold baked potatoes with cold beans and crème fraiche didn’t taste as good as it does hot J) got to bed about 10pm Saturday with an alarm set for 2:30am

2:30am… oh bollix my foot kills nothing unusual it hurts like this every morning…. Breakkie time…. Food stick to the plan…. Food down…. Get in the car… why am I doing this again… my brother is coming to see me swim (I translate that into oh god he’s gonna see me fail the swim… I’m gonna DNF…. Oh bollix….)

5:10am arrive at the Outlaw…. God everyone looks so much more prepared than me….

Check bike…. I see Coach…. But he doesn’t see me… bike checked tummy feeling the nerves…. But everything is holding together… wetsuit time… get into it…. Where is my bro? they are calling us to the water… crap… where is he… oh there he is big hug…. Tells me I’ll do good…. Head to the water…. 4 pens to choose from… bloody fast pen (Tom’s training fast)…. Fast pen (Khara fast)…. sub 1:40 the pen I should go in…. and sub 2 hours the pen I actually go in….

Water feels nice cold but in a good way…. You know I really do hate swimming….

Oggie Oggie Oggie…. Oh bollix here we go again…. We’re off stop kicking me in my face oh I’m fully under the water… thx I love being semi-drowned…. Swim a diagonal to the buoy… what buoy… all I can see is the bloody sun… no reference points…. Just people…. Arms, fists, heads…. Keep calm, get a rhythm… ahh crap I’m engulfed in weeds, ok don’t panic swim around it, ok stop pull your arm up out of it swim left…. Ok now swim… bump more people… I’m overtaking people at least I think I am…. Ok no idea where I am on the course…. Keep correcting… trying to go where there are no weeds or bodies….. oh crap what the hell just hit my head oh a small hard yellow buoy owww why does my head hurt so much…. It’s like an ice cream headache…. Bloody hell that smarts….. oh joy more weeds…. Aww crap my nose plug just got ripped off…. Ok don’t breathe in thru the nose…. Keep swimming, swimming, swimming, just keep swimming…. F’off Nemo now is not the time….

Turning yay…. People to the left of me…. Ok what the hell is this lady in the canoe doing in my way….. MOVE…. Oh I did what cut the corner…. Really I couldn’t even see the bloody thing… ok I’ll swim back…. Ok… back to the course… round the big f’ing buoy…. How the hell did I turn so early…. Oh well… keep going…. Next buoy…. Keep going…. Oh yeah only 1.2 miles to go… stop swimming into the weeds keep bouncing off people…. At least I can stick with these guys…. Am I at the back…. Don’t know just keep going… oh I can hear voices…. Yes I’m getting closer…. I can actually see the grandstand…. Come on don’t fail not today not now…. Goggles are trying to leak… spare contact lenses are in transition I’ll be ok… oh the ramp… people waiting arms… don’t cramp, don’t cramp…. Verde oil keep working your magic….. arms are either side of me helping me up…. Asking if I’m ok…. Yeah I think I am…. Waddle in the straightest line possible to a helper as she helps me wrestle my wetsuit off…. End up sitting on the floor… bloody thing get off…. And into the transition tent… bags… wobble… socks on… wobble… sit… shoes… on helmet on…. Find the bike…. More bikes than I expected…. I look at my watch and don’t believe the time…. Must have a wonky contact in one eye…. Ignore…

Bike…. Ok on take on some solids (oops ok I’ve never tried this on the bike before… is today a good time to start…. Oh well kill or cure…. Gel…. Fluid…. Go steady…. I know the speed I want… lets go…. See my bro he wishes me luck…. Pass people, people pass me…. Air feels warm… sun is nice… wondering if when that nice helper asked if I wanted sun lotion on it was a good idea to say no…. meh!!! I’ll be fine…. Miles are clicking past…. Drink…. gel…. Drink (a bit random… trying to remember my plan….) keeping my speed up on the bike…. Right leg decides it does not want to go as fast as my left leg…. Yeah right bloody well do as you are told…. More miles pass…. Yay onto first lap…. Oh crap why does the lumpy stuff always catch me out…. Wonder where Tom is…. Ok please don’t lap me yet…. Woohoo first lap done…. I’m gonna be done on the bike before 2pm….. 6:30 on the bike that was the plan….. lap 2 here we go…. Enjoying this right leg… me and you are going to fall out soon… get your arse together…. I needed to pee about an hour ago…. But why when I try nothing…. Ok it hurts a little… but it’ll pass….. I keep seeing everyone else going… boys and girls…. I want to pee…. I want to break pee…. (why has a queen song appeared in my head)…. Ok I can cope with that …. Oooo draft busting going on…. I roll with a guy who decides that screaming up every hill/bump is a good idea…. I slow down to his pace…. Take on more fluids…. And then get bored of the pace so whack it some…. Am I on pace…. Don’t know I think I am…. Tummy hurts…. Oooo people going past making tie fighter noises…. Oh yes the fast boys have arrived…. There goes Tom… holy crap he’s fast…. Must get to the end of this lap don’t want to be lapped by …… “Hi Steve” and off he goes… what no words of encouragement….. nope…… ok f’ that legs stick with me I’ve got a plan….. yeah I can hold 38 -42kph …. Yeah I can… catch him… gotta catc….. ok that was the stupidest thing outside my shitty marriages that I’ve ever done… what was I thinking… I’ve been biking 3 years…. And outside of races I’ve only been biking outside since January this year…. Bring heart rate down…. Ok drink…. left foot hurts hot spot time… ignore…. 3^rd lap umm what happened I’m slowing…. Ok drink more…. More gels…. Drink …… ok ditch the bike gotta go…. Seeing people off the bike with cramp and voming…. Wow glad that's not me…. Every hill/bump doesn’t hurt but I can’t get my speed up… oh well it will be after 2pm before I get back from the bike….. left foot really hurts…. Must sort out my shoes…. Should I go all Euro…. Those shoes look nice… I wonder if they are for boys too… nice and shiny white…. I bet they are a bugger to keep clean in the winter…. Is this a race or an episode of Sex in the City?… now is not the time to be putting a shopping list together…. But seriously an all white bike would be nice…. Crap look at the size of his calves…. I’m gonna go past him, freak calves or no freak calves… oh sorry miss…. Ooops….

End of the bike is in reaching distance….. why does the person in front think I drafting… bollix…. Ok I’ll go past…. Feck me I was sat up just trying to spin my legs…. Yay back to transition…. Army cadet takes my bike while I try and work out how to switch my garmin off…. Pause, start, stop…. Oh f’ it…. OFF…..

Transition…. My top is rubbing and I can feel something quite sore on my neck…. Oh well get them runners on….. and out….

Step it up…. Woohoo 1^st k done in 6:05…. 2^nd k done in 6:15….. 3^rd k umm… what.. speed has just dropped off…. Umm this all hurts no speed no nothing… aid station why is the aid station so far away…. Ok flat coke…. Yep times 2 (wonder if I should be taking any in)…. 1 water…. 1 jaffa cake… anything please give me energy…. Run… go on run…. Please run…. Ok pace has come back…. I see my bro…. stop say hi…. Set off again…. Oh crap this hurts… pace is right down…. Walk a little… run a little…. Errr…. Think I need a portaloo…. Tummy is now a washing machine… oh god this hurts… running not an option…. Portaloo… please…. Oh at the turnaround point…… ok I can make it right…. Seeing people with 2 bands on…. Wish I could run…. I know I can my heart rate says I can push…. Go…. Oh crap…. Literally….. turnaround point…. Ok I may be a while…. Yay both ends (wooohooo)…. Feel better…. But need energy more coke?..... ok a gel… no….. water…. Meet up with a guy who is walking, doing his first…. He’s really struggling wants to come in under 15 hours…. Ok my time is now out the window…. I have a new plan…. Let’s do it…. Come hell or highwater he’s gonna cross the line in under 15…. Me I’ve got nothing to prove…. I know what was missing from this year…. I know how the last few months have made me feel (I know because writing that makes my eyes fill up)…. I was ready to quit today, I was ready to DNF… but I wasn’t ready to DNS… and I’m here DNF is now not an option, not just for me but now for my friend who will finish…. I wish Jules and Leah were here…. We run/walk portaloo…. He’s stuggling to walk… I love to convince him that it’s easier to jog slow, his legs allow this for a few hundred meters at a time… I’m beginning to feel better…. But then it hits me again…. He finds his family so walks with them for a while I jog on until I can’t my stomach is in knots…. My legs are trying to cramp…. My bum cheeks cramp which is really funny but so not all at the same time…. We catch up again…I stop to talk to my family… my bro give me to lowdown on my laps…. My transition, my swim OMG a 1:24 nearly 20 minutes faster than IMUK, cycle was about 20 mins slower than I wanted…. My mind is filled with thoughts of where I could do better….. oh dear I’m going to be here again…. Pain and all I love this…. it’s what I do…. It’s me….. Jules is not gonna be happy…. J Me and my new friend made a plan…. A finish time let’s do it…. Time to rock…. Time with my folks one more time... last lap…. Last series of portaloo stops…. Could I have done this faster yes…. My target time no…. would I change a thing about my decisions for today…. No…. I did what is me…. I’m not an it’s all about me person… so giving help when I could seemed the right thing…. and it also helped me get across the line…. 14:51…. I’ll take that…. But I’m gonna be back…. And I’m gonna be able to run strong… and bike better…. Swimming well I improved so maybe I can again…..

so.... a few days have past, I can't say enough thank you's to the people who got me here... my family, my friends, people who I have never met but who I trust without question.... but seriously thank you.... ok getting emotional again... I thought this race would be it for me, but it's not, not yet.... time to see what being a dad is all about, give back to my family, and sneak out the door and twat my training as per my new coach's instructions... I could quite happily go and do it all over again right now... just tweak a couple of things here and there.... but seriously I need some new bike shoes....

So it’s funny where your mind takes you some days…. This morning I’m 3 weeks out from my A race, well I say A race it’s my only race of the year. It’s fairly safe to say that the last few months of my journey to complete another Iron distance event has not been a bundle of laughs both personally, professionally, and athletically (I use that last term rather loosely J). So where am I? My swimming is a dire as it has ever been, my running is 40 – 50 seconds per km off where I want to be (but weirdly I can hold the pace I want depending on my state of mind), I’m going to be become a dad in around 5 weeks, I’m going through another shitty divorce, in the middle of selling one of our 2 houses (yay paying 2 mortgages rocks… ) my coach and I no longer see things the same way and as such I’ve lost all confidence in my ability to perform, oh and work are laying people off left right and centre…. BUT…. Come August 8^th (barring any early baby arrivals J) I’m still gonna rock up to the start line with a big smile on my face, survive the swim, smack the bike (in a I’m just going to enjoy every one of the 112 miles on my TT bike sorta way), and run the marathon (maybe walk the aid stations…. who knows J)…. I will cross that finish line with the same smile that took me across IMUK last year…. Because it’s just a race, it’s just an event which I enjoy and nobody setting unrealistic goals (which appear to be for a sub 11 hour athlete), or someone who was a blip in my life can take away from what I do and really enjoy…. To me it is another training day, on every training day I have my goals, my times I want to beat, that hill I want to keep my heart rate down and still make it to the top, that person in the other lane that I just want to glide past effortlessly…. So I’ll put aside my fear of letting all my family and friends down and I will just enjoy the day…. This is not the biggest moment in my 2010….. but I will take some amazing things from this year, I’ve met and worked with some amazing people, who have kept me focused and who I now view as friends, I am looking forward towards post August learning to run faster, getting better on the bike… who knows I may even start going to some of the Triathlon club swims…. I don’t have anything planned for next year race wise…. But I know the next 12 months are going to be about fun…. Body wise I’ve never felt so good… but mentally I need a reset…. So this is it 45 minutes done of running with my dog it’s now 6:45, and only one squirrel chased (bad Maggie), oh and seriously that jam sandwich pre-run really helps